Your Extraordinary Career: When No One Wants to “Network” What Are They Really Saying?

Q: I have been working to contact all my fellow employees for help networking. I’ve been asking them to lunch and or to meet with me after work, but no one is responding. What’s wrong?
 
A: Hello!  Their lack of responsiveness should tell you something. You’re asking for something that they’re not willing to give. But first things first: why are you trying to network with all your fellow employees?  What are you expecting them to do for you? Now ask yourself, what have you been doing to help them?

Networking is all about giving and not expecting anything in return. Your objective in networking is to build a reservoir which you’ll probably want to tap into in the future—but not right away. If you try to use it too soon, the flow of goodwill stops. First it must be established by sincerely finding out about others and seeing how you can help them by contributing your ideas, energy, ability, talent, time, or even just your willingness to pitch in.

Given your colleagues’ reaction to your “invitation” to network, chances are they perceive that they have been helping you already. Perhaps they’ve been giving you pointers all along, and either you haven’t recognized them or you haven’t taken any of that advice. Think back on the conversations you’ve had with your co-workers over the past few weeks. Have there been any little hints or comments about how you go about something? Has someone shared some insight or given you some “friendly advice,” or even suggested that you might find it easier to do something in a different way?

 If you don’t acknowledge this type of feedback and help, you’ll stop receiving it from others. And if you don’t remember to say “thank you” or acknowledge the help you’ve received, then you definitely won’t win any friends in the workplace.

If any of this sounds familiar, can you understand now why your co-workers have unwilling to give you more help on their free time? Remember lunch time and after work is considered personal time. People are not going to give up this time willingly unless you’ve contributed in some way to them, either by your willingness to share or your positive attitude. When you do, I’m sure you’ll notice a change among your co-workers.

Another issue is frequency. Are you asking people all the time? If you keep asking, you’re going to quickly cross the line from being persistent to annoying. So back off for now.

You can’t undo when you’ve already done, but you can change from this point on. Take an interest in what you’re colleagues are doing. Ask questions and offer to help. If you have a skill or expertise to share do so. 

Even small things such as asking a colleague on a Monday morning, “So how was your weekend?” and waiting to hear the answer without jumping in with your own news can help build rapport. In the business world, rapport is built over time and cannot be rushed. It is the collegiality that begets friendship and a willingness to go out of one’s way for another.
 
It may take you a long time to build this reservoir of goodwill and trust with your co-workers, but you can’t put it on a time schedule. Then when you least expect it, this asset will begin paying you rewards; for example, a co-worker compliments your work in front of the boss, someone offers to help you with a difficult assignment before you ask, or when you are up for a new assignment your co-workers give you a recommendation and you don’t even know it…

Here’s a final tip for you: Do you have a “best friend” at work?  This is the person to whom you can turn the most for advice or honest feedback.  If you don’t have this type of friend, then ask yourself: to whom can you be a “best friend” with your help and support?

Your Extraordinary Career  features proven success strategies and advice for recent graduates and young professionals from William J. White, who draws upon a successful corporate career, including as Chairman and CEO of a New York Stock Exchange-traded company.  Bill is now Professor at the McCormick School of Engineering and Applied Science at Northwestern University, and author of the career book for young professionals, ¬From Day One: CEO Advice to Launch an Extraordinary Career.

Got a question? Email Bill White at Bill@FromDayOne.com